It’s August. We puddle in the heat. Our spines melt. Our brains wither. I offer the following to distract you from this sizzling Dog Day afternoon, an amusement filled with pointless factoids.
Did you know you are taller in the morning than in the evening? You’re about a centimeter taller when you awaken. That cm disappears during the day when your spine’s soft cartilage compresses. At night, your spine relaxes and stretches, and voila! Next morning, you’ve regained your height. I’m planning on staying in bed for a whole week. I’m hoping to be 7 centimeters taller.
When born we have 300 bones. By the time we reach adulthood, we have 206 bones. Where did the other 94 bones go? They fused into each other. If I break a bone as an adult, can I re-fuse?
Your tongue print is as unique as your fingerprint. So don’t be trying to pull the trigger of a gun with your lingual septum. True, tongues are dangerous – sharper than a sword. But tongue trigger-pulling Unlikely, unless you practice tongue fu.
Queen Elizabeth loved sugary treats. All that sweetness turned her teeth black and rotty. Some say her breath would knock a vulture off a honey wagon. And we wonder why she wasn’t married. Nevertheless, she was a major influence on society, so her followers started painting their teeth black. Personally, I’m sticking with gold.
Speaking of gold, the following one-of-a-kind item, has been described as “precious as the crown jewels.” It’s not a diamond. Not a golden cast of Elizabeth’s teeth. It’s a specimen of a gigantic Viking coprolite found in York, England, 20 cm long and supremely well-preserved. How much is this Viking poop worth? Close to $40,000.
That’s enough to study-on for this Dog Day. Personally, I am going to do some serious sofa-spudding, extend my spine, contemplate my absent 96 bones, imagine who my tongue was planning to shoot, ponder Elizabethan dentures, and consider the giant Viking dude’s mud brick parasites (I understand there were plenty).
Or maybe I’ll just take a proper dog day schnort and schnoozle. Feel free to join. And send me pointless factoids. It was 103 degrees today, and many of my factoids melted and rolled out my ears. And you know what rolls downhill.
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