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Cockney Rhymes
Written By: Donna Rhodes | Issue: September - 2022
Decades ago, I chaperoned a choir tour to England.Castles, palaces, pubs, cathedrals were grand. But, asa lover of words, it was Cockney rhymes that left thebiggest imprint.For the uninitiated, Cockney originated in the backstreets ofVictorian East London a century ago.
Decades ago, I chaperoned a choir tour to England.Castles, palaces, pubs, cathedrals were grand. But, asa lover of words, it was Cockney rhymes that left thebiggest imprint.For the uninitiated, Cockney originated in the backstreets ofVictorian East London a century ago.Alive and well today, Cockney is a sly-soup of rhyming wordpairs. Speakers of Cockney make familiar English words soundlike gobbledygook if you don’t know the tricky formula.Here’s an example: Pick a Cockney rhyme like apples and pears.“Pears” rhymes with “stairs.” Apples becomes the shorthand forstairs. End result: up the apples = up the stairs.So why not just say pears? Because those who worked thestreets (pickpockets, vendors, etc.), made overheard conversa-tions intentionally unclear lest outsiders were listening.And, as you might imagine, Cockney is mostly Jekyll and Hyde(Snide). Thus, while Victorian high society found Cockneysomewhat amusing, propriety made them keep a distance.See if you can unravel this Cockney conversation. Rhymingclues are below it.Ring …“You answer the Molly,” says I, as I press it to Charlie’s bottle.“Answer it yerself, ya lazy fife!” says Charlie, swatting meaway. “I’m in a two & eight. A real Ben Dover.”“Fine! I’ll handle the Molly, then . . . Hello, China . . . hello?Hello? Would you Adam and Eve it? They hung up!”“You’re so important, you thought maybe it was the baked beancalling you?” Charlie sniggers.“More likely it was the bobby for you. You’re in Barney Rubbleall the time, betting all your bees at the airs and graces.”“Right. Well, stick it up your fireman’s hose and hit the frog,”says Charlie.“Fine, then. I’ll Scapa. I’ve got a date with the custard and jellyanyway.”“Laters!”“Laters!”Molly Malone (telephone); Bottle of beer (ear); Fife and Drum(bum); Two and eight (a state); Ben Dover (hangover); Chinaplate (mate); Adam & Eve (believe); Baked bean (the queen);Barney Rubble (trouble); Bees and honey (money); Airs andgraces (races); Fireman’s hose (nose); Frog and toad (the road);Scapa Flow (Go); Custard & Jelly (Telly; TV); Baked potatoes(laters); Shabba Ranks [A Jamaican performer] (thanks)Hope you enjoyed the mashed-up language of London. I’m offfor some bangers and mash. Shabba. Laters!
by Donna Rhodes/illustration by Norma Jean Zahner
