Covid’s Emotional Chill

Written By: Anne Koenig - Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor | Issue: 2020/09 – September

Since Memorial Day, Highlanders have talked more than ever about the pandemic as we’ve seen a rise in cases diagnosed. 

It was late March when I became aware of my personal reactions to the pandemic. And what I saw were the masks of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.

Aware that the virus was moving in long-term, ready, or not, the mask of sadness appeared as I would not be able to see my grandchildren. Fights in the Costco parking lot over toilet paper left me stunned. While in Atlanta, I begged my spouse to immediately head home before roadblocks would be in place.  

Over the top? Maybe not, soon checkpoints were in place here in Highlands.  

An emotional chill hit the air. Washing my hands like a doctor and wearing medical grade masks, I bargained, “Follow the rules and all will be ok.”

Then came the email from my church saying the doors would be closed. I had to cancel the Community Grief Group. 

Denial mask on. This can’t be true.

As world death tolls rose, my hopes lowered. I was lost realizing the only thing to do was accept life on life’s terms, a slight nod toward acceptance. Still, my normal health patterns went south. As the rain fell, I walked on the treadmill wearing a quiet mask of anger. Normal anything was gone.

Days of the week no longer had meaning. 

Sadness mask on with hot coffee in hand, I listened to the mayor’s talks. The mask of denial could no longer be worn when all I heard was, “Wait, Wash, Wear.”

One thing I do well is counseling. I learned new technology and followed professional  guidelines, as well as state/local mandates. Another move toward acceptance.

As I drove down the carless streets, hearing the sirens in the silence of Covid, I prayed for first responders and the people they would help. It didn’t seem like much and yet it was what I could do.

After weeks of this, the curve flattened along with my mood.  I saw all the signs of depression: Eating changes, anger, sleeping too much. Those feelings were in great contrast to the emerging beauty of a Highlands Spring. I went back to my therapist because I needed to be heard, just like my clients needed to be heard.

My Covid bottom reached, something had to change, and it had to be me. 

I decided to think less and thank more. My sense of humor returned. 

August has come to the Plateau; Covid remains. My purpose now is to remind people to feel the feelings and talk. This may build a bridge from bitter to better.

Mother Teresa said, “I don’t do great things, just small acts with great love.” 

Aware now of my personal grief, I could do small acts of kindness with great love. 

These days, I’m mostly wearing the mask of acceptance.