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More Ganache. Less Squash.
Written By: Donna Rhodes | Issue: November - 2022
Donna’s got plenty to be Thankful for, even when she tallies up the cost.
When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of Family, Food, and Gratitude – not necessarily in that order.
Family. Refer to #4 below.
Food, sayeth this foodie, is 10,000 calories about to park in the rear, if you catch my drift. I can’t help it though. Platters filled with overwhelming deliciousness are worth every dress size gained – until that payment comes due.
As for Gratitude. I thank God for all His marvelous inventions. They are what we talk about when we say, “That’s why God invented (fill in the blank).
Here are some of His finest:
1. TV dinners, which have sustained me ever since my mother’s first nervous breakdown.
2. Carry-out. Or even better – delivery.
3. Italian and French chefs who’ve mastered a marvelous mélange – notably, pumpkin spice latte tiramisu and glorious gobs of ganache.
4. Couches and 85-inch TVs, so I can sit and watch It’s a Wonderful Life or Grinch depending upon who’s coming to dinner — Wonderful Life, if the pleasant people come; Grinch, if Uncle Stud (for real) and Aunt Bessie crash-land on the doorstep. But they probably won’t. They’re still recovering from their moonshine incident, God bless their pointy little heads.
(Note: in the South, whenever you say something shadowy about somebody else, it’s usually followed by a phrase beginning with the word, Bless.)
P.S. I lied about the 85-inch TV. I was hoping to give you screen envy. My entire living room isn’t even 85 inches wide. But after Thanksgiving, my hips will be.
5. Big ol’ turkeys with breasts approaching K-cups. We know all about DDDD brassiere cups. But did you know cups go all the way up to letter K? The mind wobbles — and so do the boobies. Pass me some wobbler-gobbler.
That’s all I’ve got to toss into the Thank-God-for-inventions-jar right now. But, if I might have a brief word with the Almighty: “God, I’d like to close with a Thanksgiving supplication (or supper-cation). If a few plant species need to be sacrificed due to global warming, please consider the following: Brussel sprouts, creamed onions, rutabagas, Jell-o/marshmallow salads, squashes, and giblets.”
Bottom line: More ganache. Less squash.
