The Southern Woman Mystique

Written By: Donna Rhodes | Issue: July 2024

Southern Women are a conundrum to many.

From the cradle, they are taught to value their softness, attractiveness, charm. At the same time, they are trained to be strong, chock-full of steel, and downright plucky. If you are a Southern woman, or a Southern man who appreciates and loves one, you know exactly what I am talking about.

If this is foreign to you, the following account shared by my friend, S.L. (a mental health counselor and animal advocate), will demonstrate the soft and the strong. She says:

“The water system of my turtle pool failed, so I hired a pool guy and his apprentice to repair it. When the pool guy came in, he looked me up and down and said, “You must be single.”

“Because I have turtles?” I replied.

She and the apprentice guffawed. The pool guy looked away, silent, clearly put in his place.

“My marshmallow-me used the turtle joke to soften pool-guy’s rudeness,”
said S.L.

But she wasn’t going to let his remark linger in the air.

Politely, but straightforwardly, she asked, “Why did you say that?”

Tumbleweeds. Not a word from pool guy for the rest of the afternoon.

She imagined he went home thinking, ‘What a ‘B—-’!”

It’s 2024, and we’re still battling hardcore chauvinism. S.L. believes those who don’t understand the

Southern soft-tough combo find it off-putting, ergo, “what a B—-!”

For us, however, it’s our way of keeping peace and demanding respect, but all done with very few decibels, a few extra syllables (see Pat Allen’s quote), and a blast-furnace of self-assurance.

Art by Norma Jean Zahner

I asked several impeccable Southern Women on the Plateau to share a few words about their take on the Southern Woman.

Diane McPhail: “A Southern woman is nothing like she appears to be: soft, refined, polite, and compliant. A Southern woman is strength and grit behind the smile; power and persistence behind the composure; love and compassion behind the determined authority.”

Pat Allen: “Southern women: Lovely ladies with industrial strength, tenacity, and a sweet southern drawl that says it all! And the word “dahling” never has an “r”! And there is no such thing as a one syllable word in a Southern woman’s vocabulary!”

Marjorie Deal: “Beyond the genuine, welcoming smile and aphrodisiac drawl, what is a Southern Woman? Let’s start with misconceptions. It’s not wise to confuse our kindness with fragility; our retreat with surrender; nor our silence with judgement. And finally – never, ever, underestimate a Southern Woman’s innate grit to rise from ashes. Even if she struck the match.”

Penny Pollock: “One can spot a Southern woman anywhere in the world. Southern women always take exceptional pride in their beauty and attire. They are welcoming and interested in learning, and their posture is always perfect. They have a certain decorum or etiquette, which stands out above others. Most importantly and their most admirable quality – they are uplifting to others!”

Kaye McHan: “Southern women have no choice but to be strong, our history demands it of us. If we don’t want to be thought of as a beautiful toy that is only smart enough to be barefoot and pregnant, then strength of character, self-worth, and resilience are our survival skills. For anyone that takes the time to get to know and respect us they will find an intelligent, passionate, authentic woman, that desires to uplift friends, family and community with all the sweet softness of a buttermilk pie.”

Janet Cummings: “Southern Women are strong, but graceful. Not just in their movements, but in their demeanor and care for others. Rosalyn Carter is a favorite example.”

Norma Jean Zahner: “Southern women are like the foods they are famous for – biscuits, buttermilk pie, and grits – soft and fluffy, sugary sweet, and hot and gritty!”